Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

So remember last week how I was going to give myself the gift of time? I was going to give myself time to work on derby skills, time to write, and time to work on my Korean homework more than once a week. I was going to give myself time and permission to play and to practice. I was going to allow myself to not produce anything visible. I decided I was allowed to work on things I enjoyed simply because I enjoyed them.

Um, yeah. That didn’t work out. I had big plans for getting to derby super early on Thursday and I got there maybe five minutes earlier than usual. During practice we have to break into the group that can hit and the group that can’t. I’m starting to get frustrated that I can’t hit. I know it won’t happen tomorrow but I want to get better.

I am way behind on NaNoWriMo. To stay on track for NaNoWriMo you need to write 1667 words every day. And for me that’s the whole point: write every day. I’m trying but I can’t seem to get 1667 words. The problem with that is the hole I’m digging myself gets deeper and deeper every day. What was 1667 words in a day becomes 3333 and so on. The next thing you know you need a 9000 word sprint to catch back up and did I mention I’m trying to find time to do things?

I just did my Korean homework for the week. It’s 9:00pm on Sunday and its due Monday morning. I spent maybe twenty minutes on it. So much for flashcards and reading practice.

I want to give myself grace. It was a rough week with some truly impressively ill-behaved three-year-olds. (Okay, you caught me. It was just one. Mine. It was my three-year-old.) Part of me wants to say this is too much. Pick one thing, Emily. You only get one thing.

But.

Learning some Korean will make our time here more fun and less stressful. If I can ask questions in a store or a restaurant or order food in Korean life will just be better.

Writing is necessary. Full stop. I can’t not do it. Well, I can but it’s not a good idea for me or for anyone who has to live with me.

Derby is fun exercise. It’s also a team sport. Roller derby is too good for too many reasons to list right now. I didn’t even know I needed it.

So.

I guess I’ll just stop feeding my children.

Or cleaning my house. (I already don’t really do that.)

I could stay up really super late. (Already do that, too.)

When people (particularly mothers) talk about wanting time to themselves people recommend waking up an hour earlier. Sigh. I’m not waking up at 4:30am. I’m just not. I’m also not a functional person until I’ve eaten breakfast. I require tea and oatmeal to make my brain work. So I can’t sneak awake to write or even workout if I want to actually accomplish anything.

I don’t have an answer.

I wish I did.

It’s much better when I can say: Wake up an hour earlier to exercise/ read your Bible/ clean the kitchen/ knit/ write your book.

Look! I gave you a solution. Doesn’t it feel good?

But I’m not waking up at 4:30am. And you’re probably not either.

So when do all these things happen?

Well, my husband suggested that I skate in the parking garage under our building in the evenings. (It’s very well lit and dead on weekday nights, Nervous Nancy.) Even like an hour once a week could make a huge difference.

And the other things? I don’t really have a solution for those yet. I’m going to NaNoWriMo in just a minute and try to catch up. Maybe I could put Korean flashcards on the bathroom mirror or something and try to read them while I’m drying my hair.

I. Don’t. Know.

But I do know that these things (Yes, all three of them, Nancy!) are important to me. If they’re important to me, I can figure it out.